Ancient Wisdom for Modern Chaos: How Stoicism Saved Me

Volume #4

A bust of Marcus Aurelius.

More is expected of the modern woman than ever before. We're expected to be career-climbing housekeepers with third jobs as full-time chefs who also moonlight as taxi drivers, therapists, and event planners in our "free time." All while trying to stay healthy, not lose our identity, and retain some resemblance of a social life.

It's no wonder we feel overwhelmed. But what if I told you that a 2,000-year-old philosophy holds the key to navigating this chaos?

The Birth of My Stoic Practice

For my entire adult life, I've dedicated myself to the pursuit of knowledge. From philosophy to the obscure (like Mongolian throat singing), I've sought wisdom from the great minds that came before me.

But Stoicism found me at my lowest point.

I was 18, exhausted, and terrified. Two pink lines on a pregnancy test had just demolished my carefully constructed plans for college, joining the National Guard, and discovering who I really was beyond my hometown of Tucson, AZ.

Between diaper changes and sleepless nights, I opened Marcus Aurelius' Meditations and found a truth that would forever change my trajectory:

I had never actually controlled most of my life to begin with.

The only thing I truly controlled was my response to whatever happened. That week, I researched online schools, chose accounting (not glamorous, but practical), and filed my FAFSA.

Fast forward 13 years: I run a successful accounting firm that has provided the stability my family needed, all because I focused on what I could control rather than lamenting what I couldn't.

"You have power over your mind—not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength." —Marcus Aurelius

The Misconception That Keeps Women Away From Stoicism

Let's clear something up: being "stoic" (lowercase) and practicing Stoicism (uppercase) are entirely different things.

The female Stoic isn't cold, emotionless, or detached. She isn't suppressing her feelings or denying her feminine nature. This fundamental misunderstanding has kept too many women from a philosophy that could transform their relationship with everything from beauty standards to workplace challenges.

A Stoic woman feels everything deeply—she just doesn't let those feelings dictate her actions. The distinction is critical.

When facing life's chaos, she acknowledges the emotional wave but doesn't get swept away by it. She creates space between stimulus and response, a pause where her power lives.

The Dichotomy of Control: Your Mental Algorithm for Peace

At Stoicism's core lies a simple but revolutionary concept: the dichotomy of control. Once you truly understand this principle, your relationship with anxiety, disappointment, and external validation fundamentally changes.

Within your control:

• Your judgments and interpretations

• Your values and priorities

• Your responses and actions

• Your attention and focus

  
  

Outside your control:

• Other people's opinions and behaviors

• Past events and many future outcomes

• Societal expectations and standards

• Most external circumstances

  
  

Society has conditioned women to feel responsible for things entirely outside our control: aging gracefully, managing others' emotions, meeting impossible beauty standards, balancing competing roles flawlessly.

Stoicism offers the freedom to say: "That's not mine to carry."

I went from being overwhelmed and grumpy to more present in my life because I was no longer wasting energy on mental frustration over things I couldn't change. Instead, I directed that energy toward what I could influence.

Women in Stoicism

While ancient texts record few female Stoics (no surprise given the patriarchal societies), history reveals women who embodied these principles without the formal title:

Eleanor of Aquitaine taught me how to make change even without an official voice. As one of the most powerful women of the medieval period, she navigated political complexity with strategic patience, focusing on influencing what she could while accepting the constraints of her era.

Harriet Tubman demonstrated the Stoic virtues of courage and justice, repeatedly risking her freedom to lead others to safety. She focused solely on what she could control—her actions—while accepting enormous risks beyond her control.

Hypatia of Alexandria, while not formally a Stoic, lived by principles of rational thought and virtue during immense political turmoil, maintaining her dignity and principles until her death.

These women weren't philosophical theorists—they were practitioners who turned wisdom into action under the most challenging circumstances.

What A Modern Female Stoic Actually Looks Like

The modern female Stoic isn't trying to become emotionless or detached. She's developing:

• Mental sovereignty: She owns her thoughts rather than being owned by them

• Emotional discernment: She feels deeply but chooses which emotions deserve action

• Value clarity: She makes decisions based on her principles, not external pressure

• Present focus: She directs her energy to the only moment where change is possible—now

  
  

"Your focus determines your reality." —Qui-Gon Jinn (yes, I'm quoting Star Wars in a philosophy newsletter)

She isn't perfect. She fails regularly. But she has developed the mental framework to stand back up, dust herself off, and respond with wisdom rather than impulse.

The 4 Cardinal Virtues Through a Female Lens

The five Stoic virtues create a decision-making framework more powerful than any productivity system:

Wisdom: For women conditioned to doubt their judgment, wisdom means trusting your deepest understanding while questioning impulses.

Courage: In a world that rewards female compliance, courage means setting boundaries when people-pleasing would be easier.

Justice: For women taught to prioritize others' needs while minimizing their own, justice provides revolutionary balance—honoring both others and self.

Temperance: In a culture selling women solutions to problems it manufactured, temperance means finding "enough" in a world screaming "more."

These aren't aspirational ideals but practical filters for everyday decisions that collectively determine your life's trajectory. We've focus on these time and time again because they are the framework in which a good life is built on.

Stoicism isn't a destination but a practice. One that transforms overwhelm into clarity, reactivity into response, and external validation into internal sovereignty.

The journey to becoming a female Stoic doesn't happen overnight. It's built through small choices made consistently, through returning to these principles when you falter, through treating yourself with the same compassion you would offer another on this path. Want to take your practice to the next level? Check out our courses of deep study here:

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