5 SILENT KILLERS That DESTROY Your Path to Inner Calm (And How to OUTSMART Them)

Volume #3

Even with the best intentions, life has a way of throwing us curveballs. Throughout my journey, I've stumbled into these pitfalls repeatedly. Here are five common traps you might encounter on your path to peace amid chaos—and exactly how to climb back out if you fall in.

Silent Killer #1: Expecting Instant Mastery

What happens: This takes time, friends. You're not going to be a master of dismissing negative thoughts automatically. Our brains have been conditioned to fixate on them for years—decades, even. Plus, the news and world around us add fuel to the fire constantly. Learning to cut out the noise takes time.

Signs you've fallen into this pitfall:

• You meditate once or twice and wonder why you don't feel like the Dalai Lama yet

• You catch yourself spiraling and think, "I suck at this mindfulness stuff"

• You see people on Instagram who seem to have it all together and wonder what's wrong with you
  

How to recover: Start tiny. Seriously, like laughably small. Instead of attempting 30-minute meditation sessions, begin with just 2 minutes of focused breathing. I literally started with one minute. Set a timer. That's it. The neural pathways in your brain take time to rewire. I've read it takes at least 66 days for new habits to stick. I highly recommend trying out a meditation practice to better refine your skills. Headspace was my gateway drug into meditation and it might work for you too.

Silent Killer #2: Abandoning the Process Too Early

What happens: Trust the process. I know, I know that phrase is so overused it's practically meaningless (but lets face it I'm full of cliches and overused adages).

But here's the truth: uprooting the way you've been living your life for however many years is not going to take immediate effect. Habits take time to create. You MUST be consistent to see change. It's cliché but consistency is truly key in EVERYTHING you do in your life. The only way to fail is to not be consistent.

Signs you've fallen into this pitfall:

• You try something for a week or two, don't see dramatic results, and chuck it in the "doesn't work for me" bin

• Your calendar gets busy, so your practice is the first thing to go

• You start wondering if all this mindfulness stuff is just snake oil
  

How to recover: Find someone who'll call you on your nonsense. Seriously. I had a friend who would text me every morning asking if I'd done my five minutes of meditation. I couldn't lie to her face (well, her texts), so I did it. Schedule non-negotiable time blocks for your practice—I put mine right after brushing my teeth in the morning because I'm never going to "forget" to brush my teeth. Keep track of your progress somehow. I used a ridiculously simple habit tracker app, but even a calendar with gold stars works. Small consistent actions compound dramatically over time—it's like the interest on your mental health savings account.

Silent Killer #3: Treating Your System as Fixed

What happens: This is a living system, meaning nothing is set in stone. Goals and interests can change. Circumstances can change. Who you are as a person can change at any time. That being said, this document needs to be updated constantly. It can change with you.

Signs you've fallen into this pitfall:

• You're rigidly following a plan that no longer lights you up

• You feel resistance to your system but push through anyway because "that's the plan"

• Your life circumstances have changed dramatically (new job, baby, move) but your system is still built for your old life

  
  

How to recover: Every few months, take a step back and ask yourself: "Does this still make sense for who I am now?" It's not giving up to adapt—it's intelligence in action. I completely revamped my morning routine when I changed jobs last year because what had been working suddenly wasn't. Find what works for you, tell your AI of choice (I use Kortex, but ChatGPT works too), and have them recalibrate mini-goals. Your system should serve you, not the other way around.

Silent Killer #4: Mistaking Planning for Action

What happens: Oh, I'm guilty of this one. It's so easy to get caught in an endless loop of planning, researching, and perfecting your system—without actually implementing it. I once spent three weeks researching the "perfect" productivity system and setting it up, only to realize I hadn't done any actual productive work on my goals during that time. Oops.

Signs you've fallen into this pitfall:

• You've reorganized your Notion workspace six times but haven't used it for actual work

• You own three planners but none of them have entries past January 10th

• You can explain your system perfectly but haven't completed anything meaningful toward your actual goals
  

How to recover: Set a timer for planning (15-30 minutes max), then immediately take one concrete action toward your goal, no matter how small. When I was writing my first newsletter, I had a 10-minute planning session followed by 25 minutes of writing—no exceptions. Create a "good enough" system to start with. Remember: a simple system you actually use is infinitely more effective than a perfect system that exists only in your head. Done is better than perfect—I had to write this on a sticky note on my computer for months before it sank in.

Silent Killer #5: Isolating Your System from Community

What happens: I've definitely fallen into the trap of making my personal growth all about me, myself, and I. But even the best systems can become hollow without connection to others. We're social creatures, after all—our brains literally light up differently when we're connected to others.

Signs you've fallen into this pitfall:

• You're checking items off your to-do list but feeling weirdly empty inside

• You've achieved goals but have no one to share the wins with

• Your calendar is full of self-improvement activities but devoid of human connection
  

How to recover: Build connection into your system. I schedule bi-weekly calls with my mastermind group where we share both struggles and wins. Join groups focused on similar goals—I found a local meditation group that keeps me accountable and teaches me new techniques. Consider how your goals could benefit others, not just yourself. When I started seeing my writing as service rather than self-promotion, everything shifted. Some of my best ideas have come from conversations with friends, not from solo contemplation sessions.

I've fallen into every single one of these pitfalls (some of them multiple times). Each setback taught me something valuable about what works for me. Remember: the goal isn't perfection but progress, and every stumble is just data for refining your approach. The beauty is in the journey itself and that journey is never a straight line.